As we welcome the arrival of the New Year, I do what many of us do this time of year: reflect and refresh.
For me, my reflection reminds me of how 2025 will bring with it my 16th year behind bars. And since I was incarcerated a few weeks short of my 25th birthday, I also reflect on how I’ve spent a majority of my 20s, and all of my 30s, separated from my family and community. For those counting… I’ll turn 40 this year.
I reflect on the time lost, and memories never made. But most of all, I hope for forgiveness… and continue to lean on love. Because that’s what continues to lead me to every beautiful sunrise. I’m grateful.
I started writing this installment of “On the Fence Line” a little while ago, but I just couldn’t get the words out. The right words anyways.
As a writer, it’s rare not to have the words to articulate what you truly feel. So for the first installment of 2025, I choose to do just that — feel. And be with you, my community.
“how”
how does one value life when forced to exist in an oversized coffin
from a concrete box it’s easy to contemplate the opposite often
how does one dream of home when one can no longer remember beyond the razor wire
and while they stack stones that the builder refused these walls only grow higher
how does one hope when hope is always accompanied by pain
and yet to feel is a luxury worth having as long as feel vanishes as quickly as she came
how does one forgive when the spirit is locked behind bars
and green prison ids are meant to replace who you are and dim count lights are meant to replace stars
how does one love when love is another susceptibility to danger
and love is hard anyways so it’s easier to just remain strangers
we continue to live
we continue to dream
we continue to hope
we continue to forgive
we continue to love
we how… together
Until next time, keep dreaming!
Felix Sitthivong is a journalist, organizer, member of Empowerment Avenue, and advisor for the Asian Pacific Islander Cultural Awareness Group (APICAG). Through APICAG, Sitthivong has organized immigration, social justice and youth outreach forums and has designed Asian American studies courses, an intersectional feminism 101 class and an anti-domestic violence program. You can reach him with questions for “On the Fence Line” via Securus (WA #354579) or write to him at Felix Sitthivong #354579, PO Box 900, Shelton, WA 98584.
Felix Sitthivong is an incarcerated storyteller, community organizer, and founding member of the Peoples’ Empowerment Assembly for Collective Equity (PEACE). Sitthivong is also the former president and senior advisor for the Asian Pacific Islander Cultural Awareness Group (APICAG). He is currently serving a 66-year sentence at the Washington Corrections Center in Shelton, WA. Reach him with questions for “On the Fence Line” via Securus (WA #354579) or write to him at Felix Sitthivong #354579, PO BOX 900, Shelton, WA 98584.
