On November 16, the Washington Corrections Center in Shelton, Washington hosted its annual “Significant Woman Event.” Though my life experiences make me far from a supporter of anything the Department of Corrections (DOC) does, I will say that this “family friendly” event was a really cool one to attend.
While the flyers promoting the event coined it as an “event for you and the significant woman in your life,” people in attendance included mothers, sisters, friends, and spouses of those incarcerated.
I was lucky enough to have my beautiful wife Rose as my date.
The usually dull visit room, where the event was held, was transformed into a venue suitable for any date night on the streets — even if the date was a little on the cheaper side. But hey… I’m definitely not complaining!
Inmate volunteers showed up early in the morning to arrange and set the tables with different colored tablecloths and “fancy” plastic eating utensils. There were also plastic champagne flutes for apple cider and punch to add that extra touch of bougie.
The slow jams that serenaded us over the speakers complemented the decor and created a relaxing ambiance.
The menu served by the same inmate volunteers: fried chicken quarters, salad, potato salad, steamed vegetables, cake, and ice cream — a welcome change from the usual prison slop.
But what really made the event special, I mean obviously aside from the significant woman in my life, were the fancy dress clothes that the prison made available for us who are incarcerated to wear. For someone who really appreciates fashion like myself, this was especially cool.
There was an assortment of dress shirts, ties, and sports jackets to choose from in a holding area before we actually entered the visit room where we could also change. Although we still had to wear our prison-issued khaki pants and state-issued shoes, we all definitely made it work. I decided to skip the tie and keep it simple and just tossed on a nice sports jacket on top of my long sleeved shirt.
And because many of us gave our guests a heads up on the suggested formal dress, our ladies also came dressed to impress.
As each of us entered the visit room to greet our guests, everybody complimented each other and the energy was super positive.
For those unfamiliar with prison policies, during regular visits the prison staff strictly prohibits us from mingling with anybody else aside from our own visitors. So while many of us probably recognize each other from attending these regular visits together, a lot of us have never actually been formally introduced to each other’s loved ones. But since the rules are a little more relaxed during “family friendly” events, we were allowed to meet and mingle with each other’s guests which was really special. Seeing how people act around their loved ones really gives one insight into who they really are.
Someone potentially looking at a snapshot of the event may have even mistaken it for some sort of formal gala at a restaurant in the community or something like that. I mean, aside from our green prison ID’s clipped to our clothing and all the prison guards tracking our every movement.
While the event was officially sponsored by the DOC, it was definitely the inmate volunteers who deserve the most praise for its success. They all showed up with a great attitude and served those of us with guests with pride, respect, and compassion. They didn’t have to do any of that, but I know they understood how important the event was to all of us. We were extremely grateful for them.
Others in attendance included my cellie Tony Rem, who goes by Tone, and his wife Erin Kubo who just got married at the facility nine months ago. Tone, who is currently serving a 13-year sentence, reflected on his experience at the event: “Wearing regular formal clothes made me feel human again, and to let my wife see me in regular clothes allows her to see me in a different light other than a prisoner.”
You could tell that day that many of us shared the same sentiments as Tone. Most of us only get to interact with our loved ones under strict supervision, so to be in regular clothing while spending time together reminded us of our own humanity… if only for those few short hours.
But the clothes didn’t only have that effect on us. They also reminded our loved ones of the same idea. “[The clothes] added a very humane touch to the time we spent together and extended a feeling of normalcy,” said Tone’s wife, Erin.
I can’t speak for everybody, but I know my wife also liked seeing me dressed up. Well, I hope she did!
Overall, I know everybody had a blast.
When you’re incarcerated and separated from your family, the days are long and the nights even longer. For some of the guards, they take it upon themselves to constantly remind us of how isolated we are and that quite frankly, we ain’t shit. Many of them thrive on trying to break our spirits and turn us into docile prisoners.
However, events like the “Significant Woman Event” help to remind us that we are loved, and that we are also capable of loving. Although wearing normal clothes may seem like something insignificant to many, things like that help to fuel our spirits and remind us that we are more than dumb prisoners unworthy of compassion and care.
If the DOC really cared about our rehabilitation, family events like this would be their top priority.
At the end of the day, no amount of clothes will ever fill the void of being separated from our loved ones… but damn did it feel nice. And you know what? We’ll enjoy the little things as much as we can when we can, just like I hope all y’all always do!
I look forward to 2025 with all of you, and wish you all an early Happy New Year. I’m grateful for everyone who has been supporting “On the Fence Line” through every issue. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Until next time, keep dreaming!
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Felix Sitthivong is a journalist, organizer, member of Empowerment Avenue, and advisor for the Asian Pacific Islander Cultural Awareness Group (APICAG). Through APICAG, Sitthivong has organized immigration, social justice and youth outreach forums and has designed Asian American studies courses, an intersectional feminism 101 class and an anti-domestic violence program. You can reach him with questions for “On the Fence Line” via Securus (WA #354579) or write to him at Felix Sitthivong #354579, PO Box 900, Shelton, WA 98584.
Felix Sitthivong is an incarcerated storyteller, community organizer, and founding member of the Peoples’ Empowerment Assembly for Collective Equity (PEACE). Sitthivong is also the former president and senior advisor for the Asian Pacific Islander Cultural Awareness Group (APICAG). He is currently serving a 66-year sentence at the Washington Corrections Center in Shelton, WA. Reach him with questions for “On the Fence Line” via Securus (WA #354579) or write to him at Felix Sitthivong #354579, PO BOX 900, Shelton, WA 98584.
