Dear everyone,
Jameelah and I are engaged. This may come as a shock to some of you for several reasons, mainly that anyone would actually want to marry me, but I think all those push-ups have really helped beefed up the sexy vegan man body. Word has spread very quickly through my nemesis, FaceBook, and many people have been asking for details, so I thought I would just go ahead and tell the story.
I proposed. I figured it was my turn. After all, Jameelah had proposed eight times before. She’ll argue with you that she only proposed once or twice, and only as a joke, but believe me, it was eight; twice during commercials of a Law and Order episode.
Let me tell you, proposing to someone is not easy. First, I didn’t know nothin’ about birthin’ no babies when it comes to the ring, so had to harass friend Rachel, who has a foul sailor’s mouth and limited patience, for help. Just like when I got my first suit this year, I felt like a country bumpkin who just came to the city carrying a wagon full of pigs to buy his sweetheart something special.
“What kind of ring do you want?” asked Rachel.
“What? An engagement ring, duh!”
“No, what kind of f***ing stone and band?”
“Uh…diamond. No, wait, peridot, that’s her birthstone. No, diamond. And, uh, white gold. Can we make sure it’s real shiny-like?” Who knew rings came in so many styles! They’re like snowflakes.
It was Jameelah’s birthday. I had been nervous all day, trying to remember what Rachel had said: “OK, you open the box like this. Don’t be a dumbass and turn it upside down or something.” I hid the box in the corner of the couch. Jameelah came home. I told her I had two gifts for her. First, Legend of Zelda, on our Nintendo Wii, which she had wanted for several months now. “Legend of Zelda!” she said, “yay! And what’s my second gift?”
“I’ll give that to you later, after we play some Zelda.”
The minutes flew by while we played. She loved the game. Finally, it was 2am. I asked her to turn on Dragon Quest VIII. She was perplexed. Dragon Quest VIII is a game that we played two years ago on Christmas. We had stayed up until 5am for many days to finish it. I had promised her that we would get tattoos of a Dragon Quest slime on her last birthday, and then chickened out.
“OK, close your eyes,” I said. I reached into the couch and grabbed the ring and put it near me. “Sweetheart. You know when we played Dragon Quest VIII?”
“Yeah?”
“And we had so much fun staying up all night for months?”
“Yeah?”
“I was thinking of how happy we were, just hanging out at home, watching TV or playing games and being together, and I was thinking that life is complicated, and I’ve been very happy during these times when I could come home from work and I’d see your car in the parking lot and know that you are there and we could just sit on our couch. Point is, Dragon Quest IX is coming out! And Final Fantasy XIII. And of course, Zelda, and there will be many more. And I was thinking that there was no one else on earth I would rather play these games with for the rest of my life. I love you. Will you marry me?”
Then I presented the ring, which had turned upside down, and when I opened it, the ring fell down onto the lid.
“Wait, wait, wait, let me put it back in. OK, here you go. Will you marry me?”
19 seconds of stunned silence. She buried her face in my chest, speechless.
“What, is that a yes?”
“I thought you had gotten a slime tattoo! Yes, I’ll marry you!”
Anyway, that’s the short story. Quickly she posted on Facebook and couldn’t sleep the whole night, having to text all her girlfriends. By morning, the staff all knew. All day, I had to write a grant and some program reports, but couldn’t really concentrate. It feels strange to be engaged.
There you have it. Probably not the most sophisticated proposal. I had thought of a fancy dinner, or going to Alki Point and proposing on the bluff in front of the Seattle skyline, where we had been many times. But this way is more true to us. Now she and her dozens of female friends are starting to…plan…and it’s slightly overwhelming. “So when’s the date?” they ask, and “Where will you have the reception? Are you going to have a traditional Vietnamese wedding? Will the wedding be vegan? What are your colors? Have you thought about your bridesmaids and groomsmen? What about centerpieces? How many people will you invite? Will there be bunnies?”
Eeek! I’m sure it’ll be fun to plan a wedding, and I’m sure there is plenty of Jagged Noodles material to be mined for the next year or so. But I’ve accomplished my mission. Now I’m taking my wagon and going home to help paw fix the barn roof.
