As I live more and more in the real world, I start to notice several differences between this world and college. And no sir, I don’t like it as much. I mean, it’s nice to have money and to be able to eat dinner every day, but there are lots of things about college that I miss. The real world is about security, while college is about exploration. The real world is about image, while college is about connection. The real world is about how things are, while the college world is about how things could be, with hopes and dreams and bunnies for everyone.
This is not to say that we should all stay in college forever. That would be sad and creepy and campus security would be all like: “Sir, some students are saying an Asian dude with messy hair and a Toyota keeps dropping by the Quad and staring at them wistfully, and if you don’t leave right now I’m going to have to arrest you,” etc.
The saddest thing is that “No” is the default answer in the real world. Do you want to get a drink tonight? “Thanks, but I’m kind of tired.” Hey, want to go camping this weekend? “Thanks, but I have to do my taxes.” Let’s catch a movie! “You’re sweet, but I got a concussion last night and my doctor says I have to stay in the ER for monitoring, since I might die from a brain hemorrhage.”
Boooo! We all have to live in the real world. But why can’t we adopt some of those things that make college so great? We need to combine the security and maturity of the real world with the joy, exuberance, and endless possibilities of college. The real world would be a much better place to live if we were all a little bit more college-style.
Here, to find out how college-style you are, take this simple quiz:
Question 1: A friend calls you up at 3 p.m., asking you to come to happy hour at 4 p.m. What do you do?
a. I would check my schedule to see if I’m available, look at traffic patterns on my smart phone, and maybe join if I’m free and don’t have to wake up early tomorrow for work.
b. One hour of notice? That’s so inconsiderate to even ask me. How thoughtless.
c. I would chew eight white Tums to make it look like I’m foaming at the mouth, tell my boss I have rabies, then get a co-worker to drive me to the “hospital.” Yay-yuh!
Question 2: After happy hour, your friends decide they would come over to your place in an hour. Your place is gross and you don’t have any good snacks. What would you do?
a. I would clean my place quickly, then run to the nearest store for chips and salsa
b. I would never invite someone over unless my place is clean and there are tasteful snacks such as gourmet olives and sundried tomato tapenade.
c. I would watch something on hulu.com or Netflix. Five minutes before people come over, I’d quickly close the curtains on the bathtub so no one sees how gross it is then put out an assortment of beer as snacks. Yay-yuh!
Question 3: It’s midnight, and someone has a great idea to run to the playground and play on the swings. What would you do?
a. It depends on whether I have work or not tomorrow. If there is no work, I might consider it.
b. Swings are for children, and to even suggest going out into the cold at such an hour — how reckless and irresponsible.
c. Grab a six-pack and some glow-sticks, run to the playground. Yay-yuh!
Give yourself 19 points for every A; zero points for every B; and a billion points for every C. If your total score is 0 to 19, you lead a sad, joyless existence and should reexamine your life. If your total is 38 to 1,000,000,038, you’re serious but still open to life and there is still hope for you. If your score is over 1,000,000,038, you’re totally college-style and living life,. Yay-yuh! Go get checked for STD’s.
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