Every day I come home exhausted after a grueling three or four hours of work, and there is one thing I look forward to. Flo, the Progressive Insurance commercial lady. She’s hilarious. “Unicorn and Glitter?” That gets me every time. Recently, however, our commercials have been hijacked by political ads, especially by Patty Murray and Dino Rossi, both running for the Senate. These ads are aggravating. What sort of a world do we live in when politicians have free reign to sling mud at each other during “Law and Order Los Angeles”, during the two-minute breaks when most of us would like to grab a snack and be entertained by the E*Trade babies?
I am getting very tired by the yuckiness of our political campaign tactics. Day after day these past weeks, it has been “Patty Murray: She says she’s working for Washington. Question is, which one?” and “Suzan DelBene: She wants more government, higher taxes and think the healthcare takeover didn’t go far enough” and “Dino Rossi: Really? Come on! I mean, seriously, Dino Rossi? No, for real? You’re kidding, right?” (OK, I came up with that last one. Apparently Patty Murray’s campaign team didn’t want to use it. That’s the last time I give a politician pro-bono advice.)
These politicians must think we’re idiots. Their ads appeal to the lowest common denominator, eliciting visceral reactions and superficial anger. They pick the most unflattering pictures of their opponents, usually with the person having her jaw slacked and eyes glazed over and some spinach stuck between the teeth. Well, I’m offended. If they respected our intelligence, they would talk about their strengths and how they would serve us Washingtonians and what they would do about the outrageous soy latte prices and the toxic infestation of hipsters and other issues that we actually care about.
What has our world come to when those we elect have so much time to be engaged in political battles? Don’t they have a job to do, such as vote for stuff and say stuff and sign stuff and tell their aides to schedule meetings? When the economy is this bad, when people are losing their jobs, when “Lonestar” got canceled after only two episodes on Fox, how can they afford the time to make attack ads and coordinate rallies?
And then to air those ads during TV shows is inexcusable. Sure, once in a while, fine, but constantly? If they are trying to help the economy, they should move their ads aside so that we can watch regular commercials that will encourage us to go out and spend money. The economy will only get better if people buy more makeup and Axe deodorant products.
I am not sure if this adversarial debate format of political campaigning has actually led to very good leaders. With all of the corruption and debauchery discovered among the pool of elected officials every year, can we really say that the current system works? Maybe we need a new system. Here, I’ve thought of a few methods that might work better in these days and age. Rock Paper Scissors. Two out of three wins. It’s fast; it’s universally understandable so candidates of all backgrounds can compete. Or, “Hell’s Lobby,” a reality TV show where mean celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay cusses out candidates as they try to get a bill passed. At the end of every episode, Ramsay dismisses the most inept candidate until one candidate finally remains. Along that line of thought, we can have a show called “The Man,” kind of like “Big Brother,” where all the candidates are forced to live with each other in one giant house. We’ll be able to quickly assess everyone’s personality and leadership style that way. Because, let’s face it, who wants to vote someone for Senator who leaves their dishes in the sink for a week or who never takes out the trash?
The point is, until politicians can be more entertaining, they need to stay out of my TV.
Want more Noodles? Check out Huy’s blog at: Jaggednoodles.wordpress.com.
